Desmond Does the Math

Desmond approaches Charlie as he tosses sea shells into the ocean.

Desmond: How goes it, brother?

Charlie: Can't complain you know, Des.

Desmond: Listen Charlie, I've been doing some thinking.

Charlie: Aye?

Desmond: Well, you know how I've been doing my best to watch out for you and keep you alive these last few weeks?

Charlie: Right mate, and I appreciate it.

Desmond: Its these accidents you see, I've started to notice a trend.

Charlie: What's that, Des?

Desmond: Maybe its nothing, but...Ok, well the first one, I kept you from being struck by lightning outside of Claire's tent yeah?

Charlie: Yeah...

Desmond: And then there was stopping you from drowning while trying to save Claire. After that it was preventing you from slipping off the rocks while getting that bird for Claire.

Charlie: Go on...

Desmond: (Growing slightly agitated) All right, well, then I told you not to eat that fruit that Claire picked. Then I shot that boar that was going to attack you on your hike with Claire. Then I kept you from impaling yourself with that spear while you were fishing with Claire. Then I pointed out that rusty nail you almost snagged yourself on while bringing back the dresser you found for Claire. Then I pulled you out of the quicksand you fell into while daydreaming about Claire.

Charlie: Ok....

Desmond: And just this morning, I gave you the Heimlich maneuver when you started choking on that granola bar that Claire gave you! Don't you see a pattern here?

Charlie: What are you trying to say, mate?

Desmond: Christ, LOOK OUT!

Desmond shoves Charlie aside as Claire's wrecked automobile inexplicably appears out of nowhere and comes crashing down where Charlie was standing.

Charlie: That was close! So tell me Des, what is this all about?

Desmond: (Sighing) Never mind, Charlie. Just stay away from the bonfire tonight, ok?