I am the Father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

All right, you can stop all of this silly paternity test nonsense right now. I, your Creator and Lord, am the true father of little Dannielynn.
Its time I gave this whole "savior" thing another shot, seeing as how you lot screwed it up so bad the first time. Since everyone made such a big fuss about the whole virgin thing, I decided to go the opposite route and chose Anna Nicole Smith to bear my seed.
As your one true savior, Dannielynn will not bother with sermons and speeches. We all saw how that worked out before. My Daughter will earn the love and praise of you morons by winning American Idol and starring in her own reality show. Before long her message of peace and love will be accepted throughout the world, and there will be no need to nail anyone to anything.
My Son has not taken this well, to say the least. All day long I hear "But I'm supposed to come baaaaack! People are waiting for meee!" If you ask me, he's just resentful of not being the only child anymore. Jesus is too out of style to command the love and respect he once enjoyed. I needed someone with star power, someone who pops!
So continue on with your petty squabbles over fortunes and mansions. Just know that I, the Lord God, will be very disappointed if it doesn't work out this time.

Oh, and keep an eye on that Suri Cruise kid. She's the odds-on favorite to be the Anti-Christ in our office pool.