A message from Kinky, the time-traveling Praying Mantis

Yep, I've seen it all. I was there when Jesus was born. When Hitler shot himself. When Mrs. Finklestein burned the mashed potatoes. I've seen the fall of the Roman Empire, and the creation of the glorious Mzrplll'k Empire. Having seen the whole human drama unfold to its inevitable fiery end, I have some words of advice that just might make your future days a little brighter.
First, the Detroit Lions will never, ever, win the Superbowl. That bet with your buddy Jerry is just a waste of money.
Second, your future wife (here's a hint, her name rhymes with "Scabies") will not appreciate the Morgan Webb shrine in the den. Its best to let that go.
Finally, and most importantly, stay away from Gary, Indiana during the first week of July in 2012. I can't tell you what happens because it will spoil the surprise, but take my word for it, you want absolutely no part of it.
So take this advice and go forth unto a long and happy life, my friend. Oh, and when that crazy guy throws a bag of feces at George W. Bush on national television, look for the little green speck on his shoulder. I'll be waving!