Hi, I'm Ricky, and I'll be your rapist and murderer today!

Thank you for choosing my shack in the woods as your final living location! Like they say, 37 dead hookers can't be wrong! Before we get started, let me tell you about some of our specials.
First, we have the early bird special. That's where I obliterate your skull with this claw hammer and masturbate into your oozing brain matter.
Or, there's the fastball special. Basically, I cut off your testicles and shove them down your throat while sodomizing you with a broom stick.
Not quite your cup of tea? That's ok. There's always the classic choice of me kicking out all of your teeth and forcing you to fellate me before I put a bullet between your eyes. Or if you're in the mood for something spicy, I would just love to set you on fire and jerk off while you scream in pain.
Still not tickling your fancy eh? Tell you what, while you think it over I'm just going to start unspooling your intestines with a screwdriver.
Oh, gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you? Excellent choice sir! I hope you enjoy your rape and murder as much as I will enjoy raping and murdering you.