Tips on avoiding the flu

• Be sure to disinfect your surroundings daily. Forget Lysol - fire is the only true cleanser.
• Wash your hands as often as possible. If you already have a problem with washing them too much, maintain your normal routine.
• Distance yourself from infected loved ones both physically and emotionally. The flu virus thrives on compassion.
• Flu shots are for suckers. That's just saline they inject into you. Now they have your DNA, dummy.
• Stock up on flu medicines to the point where you control the entire town's supply. Then its your turn to call the shots.
• Stay away from Armenians. They are crawling with the stuff.
• If feasible, have a team of scientists shrunk to microscopic size to patrol your body in some sort of spacecraft as a first line of defense.
• Offer a blood sacrifice to the fearsome Gogg, the Pagan god of disease. Involve the children for educational family fun!
• If you do come down with the flu, you are no longer responsible for your actions. The virus will worm its way into your brain and force you to commit horrible acts in order for it to spread to new hosts, kind of like that rage stuff in 28 Days Later. Just remember to explain this to the judge.