Sequel pitches that didn't quite make the grade
"The Princess Diaries 3: Royal Knockup" - Following Anne Hathaway's surprisingly sleazy turn in Havoc, producers scrambled to fit her newly adult image into the money-making franchise. The treatment called for an unplanned pregnancy, scandal, paternity test hijinks, bumbling back alley abortion doctors, and a heartwarming lesson about abstinence. Production halted after real life pregnancy scare.
"Babe: Pig in the White House" - The proposed third installment in the series found everyone's favorite talking pig running the nation with his barnyard friends at his side. The first draft script borrowed liberally from "Animal Farm," sometimes to nearly plagiaristic levels. Ultimately scrapped for fear of Red State backlash.
"Titanic 2" - In a shameless attempt to cash in on the J-Horror craze, the sequel found Rose haunted by the waterlogged ghost of her lost love Jack. The thrilling conclusion found Rose leading a hardened team of Navy S.E.A.L.S. to the bottom of the sea to replace the Heart of the Ocean diamond and put Jack's spirit at peace. Quickly written off after James Cameron flew into a rage killed the craft services girl when he crashed the set on the first day of principal photography.
"Thelma and Louise: The Awakening" - Originally a project of interest for Paul Verhoeven, this prequel documented the initial friendship and eventual steamy lesbian love affair between the title characters. Abandoned when Geena Davis passed on the film to star in "Cutthroat Island."
"Big Women" - A sassy update of the classic "Little Women," the film was to star such plus-sized favorites as Rosie O'Donnell, Camryn Manheim, Mo'nique, and Roseanne Barr. Cancelled after multiple failures to secure a shooting lot large enough to accommodate each of the star's "personalities."
"Hellraiser: The Search for Pinhead's Gold" - Attempting to overcome the stagnation of the revered horror franchise, executives ordered a more family friendly installment. HTSFPG followed a young gang of hip youths as they searched for a legendary treasure underneath their high school, never suspecting that the janitor with the skin condition was not who he appeared to be. Revenue support was withdrawn after a series of freak accidents on set claimed the lives of three of the hottest up and coming teen stars.
"Babe: Pig in the White House" - The proposed third installment in the series found everyone's favorite talking pig running the nation with his barnyard friends at his side. The first draft script borrowed liberally from "Animal Farm," sometimes to nearly plagiaristic levels. Ultimately scrapped for fear of Red State backlash.
"Titanic 2" - In a shameless attempt to cash in on the J-Horror craze, the sequel found Rose haunted by the waterlogged ghost of her lost love Jack. The thrilling conclusion found Rose leading a hardened team of Navy S.E.A.L.S. to the bottom of the sea to replace the Heart of the Ocean diamond and put Jack's spirit at peace. Quickly written off after James Cameron flew into a rage killed the craft services girl when he crashed the set on the first day of principal photography.
"Thelma and Louise: The Awakening" - Originally a project of interest for Paul Verhoeven, this prequel documented the initial friendship and eventual steamy lesbian love affair between the title characters. Abandoned when Geena Davis passed on the film to star in "Cutthroat Island."
"Big Women" - A sassy update of the classic "Little Women," the film was to star such plus-sized favorites as Rosie O'Donnell, Camryn Manheim, Mo'nique, and Roseanne Barr. Cancelled after multiple failures to secure a shooting lot large enough to accommodate each of the star's "personalities."
"Hellraiser: The Search for Pinhead's Gold" - Attempting to overcome the stagnation of the revered horror franchise, executives ordered a more family friendly installment. HTSFPG followed a young gang of hip youths as they searched for a legendary treasure underneath their high school, never suspecting that the janitor with the skin condition was not who he appeared to be. Revenue support was withdrawn after a series of freak accidents on set claimed the lives of three of the hottest up and coming teen stars.
posted by B at Thursday, October 26, 2006
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