More words of advice that my grandfather might have given me

"If you can't beat 'em, rape 'em."

"Never look a redhead in the eye, that only provokes them."

"You'll catch more cats with quicksand than with procrastination."

"A round of Russian Roulette a day keeps the doctor away."

"Don't screw during an eclipse. They have weird powers then."

"Loose lips killed Jesus."

"Spare the fireplace poker and spoil the child."

"Women are like aircraft carriers. When you figure out why you are ready to be a man."