How Morrissey may have committed suicide if Elliott Smith hadn't stolen his thunder

Pierced his own heart with the thorn from a long stem rose thrown onstage by a man.
Slit his wrists in a bath tub filled with his own tears.
Allowed himself to be overcome by his own beauty.
Lacquered his hair to toxic levels.
Locked himself in a closet until the ennui was too much to bear.
Starved to death during a staring contest with a mirror.
Crushed under the weight of a giant sign spelling his name out in pink neon.

* Many thanks to my wonderfully demented sweetie for her contributions to this piece. :-*