Little known facts about Kirk Cameron

• Found Jesus in a mustard stain on a dead hooker's anus.
• Tried to eat Corey Haim to "consume his essence," ended up with pink eye.
• After the wild success of the "Secrets of the Back to the Future Trilogy" video, went on to star in the less popular "Secrets of the Apu Trilogy."
• Served briefly as the U.S. Ambassador to Cameroon, barely made it out of the country alive after a poor translation of the phrase "Two thumbs up."
• Defeated Alan Thicke in a tickling contest, won the right to mate with TV mom Joanna Kerns.
• Doesn't particularly want you to rub his stomach for luck, but wouldn't really mind it if you did.