Sure signs that you smoke too much

• Your cat coughs more than you do
• You have difficulty drinking through a straw because you keep spitting the liquid back out into the air
• You have lost a foot race to a three year old
• Some dude from Phillip Morris once offered you a blowjob at a party "in thanks for your support"
• Those annoying Truth kids keep asking if they can take pictures of your apartment
• You can spontaneously generate fire from your thumb
• In the mornings, you could record a Tom Waits album without anyone noticing a difference
• You purchased your entire wardrobe with Marlboro Miles
• Your birthday party ground to an awkward halt when you couldn't blow the candles out
• A mysterious figure with a black cloak and a large garden instrument keeps peeking in your windows