Fairy Tales for bad boys and girls
Once upon a time, there was a little bunny named Hoppums. Hoppums loved to play outside, but his mother always warned him never to go out alone. One day Hoppums was so bored that he asked his mother if she would take him out to play. "Not right now," said his mother. "I'm busy making supper." Hoppums knew that he wasn't supposed to go out alone, but he couldn't stand to be inside the house for one more minute. He quietly snuck to the front door and slipped outside. What a glorious day! Hoppums frolicked to and fro, overjoyed that he didn't have to listen for his mother calling him when he got too far away from the house. Hoppums jumped and skipped, sang and danced, and had the best day of his life. Then Hoppums got hit by a car.
Little Timmy was the best baseball player on his team and everyone loved him. When Little Timmy was at the bat, the crowd would cheer his name. The loudest cheers always came from Daddy, because he was the proudest of Little Timmy. When Little Timmy played well, he got to ride in the front seat of the car on the way home and Mommy had to sit in the back. Daddy always talked about how Little Timmy would be a big star one day and make his family a lot of money. One special day, Little Timmy's team was in the championship game. Little Timmy waved to Daddy from his position at third base right before the last pitch of the game. A line drive! The outfielder caught it after one bounce and threw it as hard as he could to Little Timmy just as the runner headed to third. Unfortunately, the boys on the other team didn't love Little Timmy as much as everyone else, and the boy running to third base slid and spiked Little Timmy's shin with his cleat. Little Timmy's leg was broken in three places, and after hours of surgery and complications had to be amputated. No big baseball star career for Little Timmy. Daddy was so sad that he sold Little Timmy for a case of Schlitz.
Little Timmy was the best baseball player on his team and everyone loved him. When Little Timmy was at the bat, the crowd would cheer his name. The loudest cheers always came from Daddy, because he was the proudest of Little Timmy. When Little Timmy played well, he got to ride in the front seat of the car on the way home and Mommy had to sit in the back. Daddy always talked about how Little Timmy would be a big star one day and make his family a lot of money. One special day, Little Timmy's team was in the championship game. Little Timmy waved to Daddy from his position at third base right before the last pitch of the game. A line drive! The outfielder caught it after one bounce and threw it as hard as he could to Little Timmy just as the runner headed to third. Unfortunately, the boys on the other team didn't love Little Timmy as much as everyone else, and the boy running to third base slid and spiked Little Timmy's shin with his cleat. Little Timmy's leg was broken in three places, and after hours of surgery and complications had to be amputated. No big baseball star career for Little Timmy. Daddy was so sad that he sold Little Timmy for a case of Schlitz.
1 Comments:
Oh my god. Satan does give you your ideas. Still fucking awesome, though.
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