Overlooked Obituaries
Harold "Two Shoes" Wallace, 97, Freedom Fighter, Inventor, Falconer
Harold Wallace was born into great wealth in the Vermont countryside to parents Theodore and Esther Wallace. Eschewing his opulent lifestyle at the tender age of five, Harold set off to make his fortune in the blossoming candied beets industry. It was during this time that Harold would come up with the first of his many inventions, the steam-powered beet press.
Harold rose to the rank of beet king until the market crash of 1929, when the ensuing Great Depression drastically lowered the nation's demand for sugar coated delights. He spent the following decade in exile, unsuccessfully working to perfect what would ultimately be his greatest contribution to humanity. Frustrated by his failure and eager for a change of pace, Harold signed up and shipped off to fight the Nazis as part of the Fightin' Forty-Ninth.
Seven Congressional Medals of Honor, three Purple Hearts, and one prosthetic elbow later, Harold came back to the States with a renewed sense of purpose.
He started the Wallace School of Beekeeping and Accounting in 1947. The school quickly branched out to 15 locations worldwide and remained popular until the Honey Pot scandal of 1961.
Discouraged, but not defeated, Harold retreated to the sanctuary of the wild rainforests of the Amazon. There he taught native tribes another of his true passions, the gentleman's game of slap ball. In 1965 he met the woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life with, N'Gatch'ku (later changed to Gertrude). The happy couple returned to the U.S. to be married on the site of the battle of Saratoga, a Wallace family tradition.
With Gertrude's love and support, Harold returned to his greatest work. After toiling for twenty years and nearly depleting his vast family fortune, he was finally ready to unveil his triumph to the world. The Wallace Mechanical Shoe Organizer was an instant smash, forever changing the way the civilized world stored its footwear.
Harold spent his golden years happily retired in the company of his beautiful wife, his children, and 30 grandchildren. As he slipped peacefully into death, his unforgettable last words were "I hope the man upstairs needs a shoe organizer."
Harold Wallace is survived by his wife Gertrude, his sons Ricky, Tommy, Bobby, and Julito, his wonderful grandchildren, and his faithful Peregrine Falcon, Dimples.
Harold Wallace was born into great wealth in the Vermont countryside to parents Theodore and Esther Wallace. Eschewing his opulent lifestyle at the tender age of five, Harold set off to make his fortune in the blossoming candied beets industry. It was during this time that Harold would come up with the first of his many inventions, the steam-powered beet press.
Harold rose to the rank of beet king until the market crash of 1929, when the ensuing Great Depression drastically lowered the nation's demand for sugar coated delights. He spent the following decade in exile, unsuccessfully working to perfect what would ultimately be his greatest contribution to humanity. Frustrated by his failure and eager for a change of pace, Harold signed up and shipped off to fight the Nazis as part of the Fightin' Forty-Ninth.
Seven Congressional Medals of Honor, three Purple Hearts, and one prosthetic elbow later, Harold came back to the States with a renewed sense of purpose.
He started the Wallace School of Beekeeping and Accounting in 1947. The school quickly branched out to 15 locations worldwide and remained popular until the Honey Pot scandal of 1961.
Discouraged, but not defeated, Harold retreated to the sanctuary of the wild rainforests of the Amazon. There he taught native tribes another of his true passions, the gentleman's game of slap ball. In 1965 he met the woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life with, N'Gatch'ku (later changed to Gertrude). The happy couple returned to the U.S. to be married on the site of the battle of Saratoga, a Wallace family tradition.
With Gertrude's love and support, Harold returned to his greatest work. After toiling for twenty years and nearly depleting his vast family fortune, he was finally ready to unveil his triumph to the world. The Wallace Mechanical Shoe Organizer was an instant smash, forever changing the way the civilized world stored its footwear.
Harold spent his golden years happily retired in the company of his beautiful wife, his children, and 30 grandchildren. As he slipped peacefully into death, his unforgettable last words were "I hope the man upstairs needs a shoe organizer."
Harold Wallace is survived by his wife Gertrude, his sons Ricky, Tommy, Bobby, and Julito, his wonderful grandchildren, and his faithful Peregrine Falcon, Dimples.
posted by B at Tuesday, October 24, 2006
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