The Adventures of Dale Earnhardt and Jesus

The black #3 car tore down heaven's highway with a fury unmatched even in the most blistering fires of hell. The Intimidator gritted his teeth and shifted gear, rapidly gaining ground on the fleeing sinners in the evil-fueled rocket car. Riding shotgun, Jesus loaded his automatic and braced for the impact. "We gotta get these guys Dale, or Dad's gonna be pissed."
Earnhardt chuckled and risked a glance at his partner. "Don't you worry, J-man, nobody gets away from #3."
They rammed the rear of the rocket car with enough force to send it spinning off the highway and headlong into the retaining wall. Dale brought the car to a skidding halt with an air of satisfaction. "I love it when they go out like that."
Jesus approached the smoking wreck carefully. "Looks like they won't be taking a victory lap," he said grimly. Jesus put in a call in to dispatch to send the meat wagon and sat on the hood of #3 with a weary sigh.
"What's wrong, partner?" Dale asked, placing a hand on Jesus's hunched shoulder. "We got 'em didn't we?"
"I just wish there was some other way, Dale. I know the wicked must be punished, but I'm getting just a little tired of handing out divine justice with a race car."
Dale gazed into the setting sun thoughtfully. "Kicking ass and taking names has always been my way of life. I'll be the Intimidator for all of time. But you, you weren't meant for this kind of work."
Jesus gazed into his best friend's eyes. "What are you trying to say, Dale?"
"Well old buddy, it might just be time for you to turn in your badge."
A tear escaped the son of God's eye and rolled down his cheek. "But what about you Dale?"
Earnhardt pulled Jesus into a firm embrace. "Whatever you do," he whispered, "you'll always have me."