Celebrity Urban Legends

Rod Stewart once had to be rushed to the hospital to have more than two gallons of Sea Monkeys pumped out of his stomach.

Rosie O'Donnell is the Universe's only known method of destroying matter.

Lindsay Lohan knows how to cure cancer, but she won't reveal it until everyone stops being mean.

The "Baldwin Gene" allows its brood to reproduce asexually.

Jamie Foxx is equal parts man and machine.

Eddie Murphy signed a deal with the devil, but neglected to read the fine print.

Paris Hilton can only be harmed by copper.

As an infant, Courtney Love was discovered on a doorstep wrapped in a blanket woven from the souls of the damned.

George Clooney knows the telephone number of everyone's sister in the world, just in case.

If you stare into a mirror and say Denzel Washington's name seven times, he will instantly appear and whup your monkey ass.

More items found in Paris Hilton's storage space

• A dog-eared paperback copy of Mein Kampf
• Three feet of Nicole Ritchie's lower intestine
• The souls of 23 Korean children
• Voodoo dolls crudely resembling the Olsen twins
• A vast collection of vomit-stained curtains
• The cremated remains of 375 little dogs
• Vag-Master (tm) the amazing vagina tightening machine
• Love letters to Santa
• A year's worth of stool samples, carefully labeled and organized
• A butt plug shaped like New Jersey
• Designs for a line of crotchless sweatpants
• Receipt for $2,500.00 worth of LiceRX
• Discarded bodies of previous hosts