Celebrity Urban Legends

Rod Stewart once had to be rushed to the hospital to have more than two gallons of Sea Monkeys pumped out of his stomach.

Rosie O'Donnell is the Universe's only known method of destroying matter.

Lindsay Lohan knows how to cure cancer, but she won't reveal it until everyone stops being mean.

The "Baldwin Gene" allows its brood to reproduce asexually.

Jamie Foxx is equal parts man and machine.

Eddie Murphy signed a deal with the devil, but neglected to read the fine print.

Paris Hilton can only be harmed by copper.

As an infant, Courtney Love was discovered on a doorstep wrapped in a blanket woven from the souls of the damned.

George Clooney knows the telephone number of everyone's sister in the world, just in case.

If you stare into a mirror and say Denzel Washington's name seven times, he will instantly appear and whup your monkey ass.

Dear Eddie Murphy:

I have now seen the commercial for your new movie "Norbit" approximately 37,000 times. After suffering through the Pussycat Dolls at least once, sometimes even twice, per commercial break, I can say this with the utmost conviction: I hate you.
Unlike many of my peers, I never really thought you were all that great in the first place. Sure, there was the time my cousin and I got a copy of "Raw" when we were like 10 years old and giggled ourselves silly at all the naughty words, but that's pretty much it. I can remember being in Elementary School when "Coming to America" came out. After hearing the "Your royal balls are clean sire" line more times than I can possibly count, my contempt began to grow.
I can only imagine "Norbit" sat on some studio shelf collecting dust because nearly every movie that you've made lately that wasn't animated or involved you farting a lot has been guaranteed box office poison. And now that you've won everyone's hearts once again with that stupid "Dreamgirls" movie they rushed "Norbit" out to capitalize before your star dims once more.
How dare you sir, you should have the common decency to fade away forever so that today's youth aren't subjected to this kind of crap. And by today's youth I mean me, because I'm too lazy to activate my TIVO box and I'm really sick of that fucking commercial.