When I was a kid...

I practiced putting on my pants both legs at a time on the off chance someone would use the "I put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else" saying in my presence.

I thought it would be hilarious to stand inside my grandparent's house and pee out the front door onto the porch where they were sitting. My grandfather thought it was so funny he hit me with a rolled up newspaper.

I pulled down an entire bookshelf and a bunch of potted plants because I didn't want to stand in the corner at nursery school. My stepfather walked in right as the dust was settling.

I had a recurring dream in which a giant wave of cockroaches burst into my bedroom and devoured me.

I got brutally clotheslined by my neighbors mailbox because I was looking at an airplane while riding my bike and not looking where I was going.

I got caught stealing a peach from the school cafeteria on a dare and had to write an essay about why stealing was wrong.

I burned a G.I. Joe as a sacrifice to the snow gods so there wouldn't be any school the next day. (It didn't work)

I had a stuffed rabbit named Bun Bun and a stuffed mouse named Mouse Mouse.

I nearly choked to death on a cheeseburger while my mom and my aunt sat there and laughed at me because they thought I was joking around.

I didn't notice that my sister wandered off in the mall because I was watching a tv instead of keeping an eye on her like I was asked to. (We got her back)

I won free tickets to see "She Devil" (that Roseanne Barr movie) from now defunct DC radio station Q107 and spilled the sample bottle of cologne that they handed out all over the back of my stepfather's car.

I traded all of my Go Bots for tennis balls, because for some reason tennis balls were really cool in the first grade.

Hey, this is fun!