Leaked plot points from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"

• Harry dies.
• Harry is resurrected by the ghost of Dumbledore and given the magical "Acne of Awkwardness."
• Ron Weasley's "Date R@pe" spell accidentally turns Hermione into a 35 year-old man. (Thus eliminating any future contract difficulties with Emma Watson for the film adaptation)
• Harry dies.
• Hermione brings Harry back to life with the "paddles of electric shocking."
• Voldemort reveals himself to be Harry's true father and sits him down for a long overdue talk about the birds and the bees.
• Harry dies.
• Harry reveals that it was actually his clone that was killed and challenges Voldemort to a final battle.
• Harry dies.
• Millions of little girls and full grown men cry themselves to sleep for a month.