Things I did NOT do on New Year's Day...
...punch a kitten in the face.
...masturbate repeatedly to the picture of Rachel Ray on the Triscuits box.
...invent an exciting new kind of yodeling.
...reenact Snakes on a Plane with three hamsters and a Wheaties box.
...scour the internet for Mr. Belvedere erotic fan fiction.
...improve on the Macarena.
...brutally murder Ty Pennington with a claw hammer.
...bake the world's most delicious cake.
...set a new world record in number of attempted suicides.
...create a fake profile on a pro-anorexia forum just to get a little compassion.
Things I did do on New Year's Day...
...watch about six straight hours of vh1 for lack of anything better on.
...fantasize about brutally murdering Ty Pennington with a claw hammer.
Labels: Mr. Belvedere, Rachel Ray, Ty Pennington, vh1
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