Illegal Hobbies of the NFL

In light of the recent dog fighting scandal surrounding Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell ordered a league-wide investigation into any other illegal hobbies or sports that players may be involved in. Here are the shocking secret activities of some of the NFL's brightest stars that the investigation uncovered:

Brian Urlacher - Chicago - Grizzly Bear Tea-Bagging

Jeff Garcia - San Francisco/Cleveland/Detroit/Philadelphia/Tampa Bay - Taiwanese Glory Holing

Daunte Culpepper - Minnesota/Miami/? - Monkey Fencing

Ray Lewis - Baltimore - Hobo Stabbing

Brett Favre - Atlanta/Green Bay - Kitten Tossing

Chad Johnson - Cincinatti - White Girl Rustling

Joey Porter - Pittsburgh/Miami - Little Baby Duckling Skeet Shooting

More heinous activities are sure to be uncovered as this investigation continues. Check back for continuing updates to this outrageous story.