Sin and Fecundity

"It has been two weeks," Sir Percy Farthington whispered breathlessly, "Since I happened a glance at your bare shoulder. I must confess, my lady, that I have been consumed with that image every waking moment since!"
"But Sir Farthington!" Lady Chattingham exclaimed. "I am engaged to be wed to the Earl of Smithsville this very Saint Jonathan's day! Think of the scandal!"
"Scandal be damned!" Sir Farthington drew as close as he dared. "I wonder, dear madam, would you..."
"Oh no! You must not even speak it!"
"But speak it I must indeed, and speak it aloud for all to hear! Sweet Lady Chattingham, would you do me the honor of allowing me to gaze upon your unclothed back?"
Lady Chattingham swooned, nearly collapsing to the floor in faint. "You disgrace this house with your disgusting suggestion, sir, yet I cannot deny that it has aroused something of a fire inside me. Quickly, take your fill of my flesh while I undo my bodice!"
Lady Chattingham hurriedly exposed her fair back to the weak-kneed Sir Farthington. "Beautiful lady," he breathed, "Were that heavenly expanse of skin under my husbandly authority, oh such sins I would commit upon it!"
"Good Sir Farthington, your scandalous words send a tingle through my unmentionable areas!"
Just then the Earl of Smithsville arrived to visit his glowing fiancée, catching her and her suitor in a situation most unbecoming. "What is the meaning of this perversity?" he roared.
"My lord!" whimpered Lady Chattingham, "It is not as it appears!"
"No matter what it may be," he glowered, turning his attention to Sir Farthington, "You have disgraced my betrothed. Arm yourself, brigand, and defend your honor!"
"I accept your challenge gladly," Sir Farthington exclaimed confidently. "We shall duel with pistols at dawn for the hand of this fair beauty!"


In the next chapter: Will Sir Farthington defeat the cruel Earl of Smithsville and win the love of Lady Chattingham? Find out next week on Doddering Theater!