Excuse me, but I believe you have my kidney.

Please do not think that I am accusing you of anything, far from it actually. You see, I happened to notice that your name disappeared from the national list of those in need of a kidney right around the same time that my own kidney was taken from me without my permission. I can see that you are a bit confused, perhaps if I explained what happened you might understand my predicament.

I arrived here in this fair city as many others have, a bright-eyed lad looking to make it big and do my small town back west proud. So naive was I that I neglected to heed the many warnings about wandering the streets alone after dark. It has always been a favorite hobby of mine to take a nice long stroll on nights when the moon is big and bright. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong night and the wrong alley for my last constitutional and I ran afoul of a gang of Oriental fellows who had less than desirable plans for yours truly.

The miscreants clobbered me over the head with some sort of blunt instrument, and I succumbed to the inky blackness of unconsciousness. When I awoke what must have been quite a number of hours later, I found myself rather curiously laying in a bath tub full of ice. As you can imagine, that was certainly not the most comfortable place to come to. I noticed a terrible pain just around my back, and made my way to the cracked mirror in the grimey bathroom that I didn't recognize. It was then that I saw the jagged scar that my attackers carved into my flesh when they made away with my precious kidney. In their haste, they stapled me back together in a most gruesome fashion.

As you can imagine, the ordeal left me quite shaken. The police were, unsurprisingly, no help at all. I mourned my loss and chalked the whole thing up to the evils of the big city, when I happened upon an inspirational poster that rekindled my sense of pride and justice. I began to search the lists, so many names of those in need. Finally, I managed to track down the most likely recipient of my ill-gotten kidney, and that, dear fellow, is you.

By no means do I demand that you march to the hospital this very instant and have them remove my kidney from your body and place it back into mine, but I hope that you will consider, after hearing all that I have been through, returning what is rightfully mine within a reasonable amount of time? You are skeptical, I can understand that. Perhaps if I show you the scar. See? Isn't it horrible? You must be able to understand the great amount of grief and anguish that I have suffered.

It is humbly that I implore you, sir, to try to find it within your heart to give up my kidney and wait for the next one to come along. Please, don't walk away, you can still do the right thing! Sir! Sir! I beg of you to reconsider! Don't go! Sir!

Alas, it seems that I am destined to a life of having to pee every 20 minutes.