Lemmy the Deer Tick, Killer for Hire

I seen all types in my day, and not a one I couldn't bring down. You got somebody you want taken care of? You came to the right place, bub. Politicians, movie stars, the guy what's boning your wife, aint nothin' old Lemmy can't handle. For the agreed upon fee, I'll take 'em out real quiet like, with no one the wiser. Like this last job I had, fella wanted his business partner out of the picture so as he could get himself a bigger piece of the pie. I hid in the poor bastard's pants and gave him a good nip in the folds of his you know what. Pretty soon there's gonna be a rash, muscle pain, panic attacks, the whole nine. In a few years, barring any kind of medical treatment, that sucker is a goner.

If slow and steady aint your style, I got a few other tricks up my sleeve. There's these associates of mine, call themselves the Diamond Dogs. You ever seen what a couple hundred million dust mites can do to a body overnight? Nasty stuff I tell ya, real nasty. And of course, there's always the old one-two-three in the back of the head. Clean up costs extra on that one.

So what's it gonna be, Charlie? I'm the best there is at what I do. If you got someone you want done, all you gotta do is come see me. I'll be right here.