Tips on Avoiding Shark Attacks
-Wear slimming black swimwear to appear less filling.
-Eat lots of garlic but avoid beaches frequented by Italian sharks.
-Learn the mysteries of "Shark-Fu," display proficiency in the ancient aquatic martial art at every opportunity.
-Adopt an injured seal as a pet, keep it on a 30-yard leash when in the water as an early warning device.
-Proudly display scars from previous shark attack. Nobody likes sloppy seconds.
-If possible, befriend Roy Scheider. All sharks know not to fuck with that guy.
-If a shark approaches, openly mock its dorsal fin. They are kind of sensitive about those things.
-When a punch to the nose is ineffective, try a kick in the nuts. Sharks have those, I promise.
-Eat lots of garlic but avoid beaches frequented by Italian sharks.
-Learn the mysteries of "Shark-Fu," display proficiency in the ancient aquatic martial art at every opportunity.
-Adopt an injured seal as a pet, keep it on a 30-yard leash when in the water as an early warning device.
-Proudly display scars from previous shark attack. Nobody likes sloppy seconds.
-If possible, befriend Roy Scheider. All sharks know not to fuck with that guy.
-If a shark approaches, openly mock its dorsal fin. They are kind of sensitive about those things.
-When a punch to the nose is ineffective, try a kick in the nuts. Sharks have those, I promise.
posted by B at Thursday, August 17, 2006
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