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The meme keeps rolling on...











For simplicity's sake I used the roflbot generator. It's fun AND easy!

We will always cherish our Glory Hole

All right now, let's settle down people. Jenkins, I see you there, take your seat. Students and faculty, as your principal, let me be the first you to welcome you back to the newly rebuilt George Washington High School! Yeah! Go Patriots! Very good, it's nice to see that none of you have lost your enthusiasm after these trying few months. As we look forward to a new school year, we also look back and remember those who were lost in that terrible underground gas main explosion. The lovely young girls of the flag squad, bedecked in their glorious Lady Patriots uniforms, the very picture of grace before they were so cruelly taken from us when flames ripped through the gymnasium during summer practice.
As you know, in honor of those brave young women, and due to recent budget cuts, the school board has elected not to rebuild over the crater where the gas burst from the earth and incinerated our dear friends. No, we have decided to keep the site as is, a monument to those who lost their lives. Yes, this site will be preserved and shall henceforth be known as our Glory Hole.
Stop that! You there, this is a serious moment! Stop that snickering at once. You may not think it's "cool" to be proud of your school, or "hip" to honor your deceased peers. But mark my words, young man, the George Washington High Glory Hole will be the envy of the state! People will come from miles just to see our Glory Hole and will take pleasure in its presence.
I want order in this auditorium or I will cancel this assembly immediately! What is the meaning of this ridiculous outburst? You disgrace the memory of those poor girls. Now, if you are all done fooling around, the marching band will be performing a new piece written by our bandleader, Mr. Fleece. Please enjoy "God Bless Our Glory Hole."
Silence! Why do you persist on interrupting? I am very disappointed in all of you! You bring shame to our Glory Hole! This assembly is over!

Herro?

To anyone who cares, you may notice that new posts are going to come with less frequency from now on. Hopefully, future posts will be longer and of a better quality.

Boomshanka

-B

The Continuing Adventures of Scrumptious Jackson

Scrumptious Jackson struggled against the ropes that bound her wrists and glared at the thugs standing before her. "You turkeys better let me outta here before I get really mad!" she hissed.
The head thug laughed heartily and slapped her hard across her beautiful chocolate-colored face. "What's a little black girl like you gonna do against the three of us?"
Scrumptious spit on the floor and dropped her voice to a grave whisper. "Oh you done did it now, cracker." With an amazing burst of strength she launched to her feet, ripping the back of the chair clean off. She planted a platformed heel directly into the head thug's testicles with enough force to drive them into his chest. With a whimpering groan, the thug dropped to the floor like a bag of dirt. Scrumptious agilely brought her bound hands under her feet and to her chest while the two remaining thugs fumbled for some sort of weapons. "Come on white boys," she crowed. "I know you aint scared of one little black girl!"
The first thug charged with a weak yell and Scrumptious quickly dropped him with a two-handed judo chop to the throat. The second thug hesitated, sizing her up. "I'll tell you what, sugar. You drop that pipe and haul yo' white ass outta here, and I might not have to send you back to yo' momma in a casket. You dig?"
The thug took a step toward her, stopped, then turned and pounded a hasty retreat. Scrumptious smirked and undid the rope that bound her hands. Just then, a video monitor crackled to life behind her with an image of a cruel-looking old man in a suit. "Well done, Ms. Jackson, I would not have expected any less."
Scrumptious turned and sneered at the monitor. "The Man. I shoulda known."
"Yes, it is I, your most tenacious tormentor."
"You aint gonna be tormenting much once I put my foot up yo' ass!"
The old man chuckled softly. "Ever the lady. I do believe your threats are meaningless, however, seeing as I have something in my possession that you hold very dear." The image pulled back to reveal Scrumptious's main man and nubian lover, Bid Daddy Smoove, with a gun to his head.
Scrumptious gasped. "You hurt a hair on his fine head and I'll be sticking more than my foot up yo' ass."
The Man chuckled once more. "You do have a way with words, my dear. The terms are simple, surrender yourself willingly to be my sex slave, and your man goes free."
Scrumptious shuddered and suppressed a gag. She knew The Man would kill Daddy Smoove without a second thought. She had no choice. "All right," she said quietly. "You can have me. Just let him go."
The Man cackled wildly. "Excellent! There should be a limo waiting for you outside. Scrumptious Jackson, you are finally mine!"

Will Scrumptious Jackson really accept the humiliating life of a slave to The Man to save her lover? Will The Man really live up to his end of the agreement? Find out next week on The Continuing Adventures of Scrumptious Jackson!"

Um, that's enough for today, Batman!

Look, I really appreciated it when you beat up that guy who was trying to mug me. It was kind of nice the way you bought me a cup of coffee afterward to make sure I wasn't too freaked out about the whole thing. And I admit that it was somewhat helpful when you helped me carry in the groceries, walked Freckles for me, checked all of the doors and windows to make sure they were locked, took out the trash, brought the recycling bins up from the curb, and checked all of the doors and windows again.
But seriously man, enough is enough.
I'm flattered that you've taken such an interest in me, but I'm kind of seeing someone. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that a few times. Besides, I've got enough headaches without a brooding vigilante hanging around all day.
So if you could see your way out now, I'd really like that. Don't worry, I'll make sure the door is locked behind you.

Predictions for the 2007 NFL Season

Eli Manning will win the coveted "Good Tryer" award for the third year in a row.

Undrafted free agent quarterback Ron Mexico will come out of nowhere and dazzle fans with his amazing footwork, but draw criticism for his lackluster passing game.

Ray Lewis will stab a bitch.

Brady Quinn will set a single season record for getting sacked, though by his own admission it will be because he really enjoys having a bunch of dudes on top of him.

Tom Brady will impregnate Randy Moss. The child will be named Jesus 2.

After a particularly vicious hit, Jaguars fans will be horrified to see that David Garrard is actually just six midgets in a bear costume.

Joey Harrington will be named league MVP. Of the ladies.

Desperate for attention, Terrell Owens will publicly announce that Tony Romo gave him scabies.

Rex Grossman will be selected by an advanced alien race for display in their intergalactic zoo as the perfect specimen of mankind.

Due to years of shoddy play and declining fan support, the entire NFC will be moved to China and renamed "The People's League of Athletic Competition."

Bored with trouncing mere mortals, Peyton Mannig will lead his Colts in an epic contest against the Football Gods themselves.

Gone Drinkin'

I'm taking a week or so off from posting to recharge the ol' batteries. And no, this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I just bought an Xbox 360. Not really.