Great Future Moments in Rock History
After an epic world-broadcasted concert consisting of no less than 37 encores, Gunnar "The Pretty One" Nelson ends his comeback tour by accepting the ambassadorship to Paraguay from the President himself, live on stage. Surrounded by his six teenage Korean brides, Nelson gracefully accepts the honor, promising a new age of rock and prosperity to the South American nation.
Keith Richards renews his depleted essence for the fourth time by consuming the souls of an entire town in rural France through the art of dark magic. Newly invigorated, Richards agrees to join the rest of the band for the Rolling Stones 175th anniversary tour.
Lisa Loeb, still sore from the failure of her dating-related reality show, denounces her heteroexuality and forms a violent new riot grrl band with scattered members from bands such as L7 and Bikini Kill. Loeb, renamed Lisa Loebotomy, fronts her new band Pussy Abwhore to massive critical and commercial success until her untimely death. Her legacy is immortalized in the cautionary classic by Ani DiFranco titled "Disinfect the Strap On."
Chinese Democracy is finally released on March 21, 2015. China immediately sees the error of its ways and begins to dismantle its oppressive Communist regime, causing peace to flourish throughout the world. Axl Rose is awarded the Nobel Prize in every single category, just for being such a super guy.